Rapids

The past year or so has been like I had lost my footing while standing on a slippery moss-covered rock in the middle of a fast-moving river and had fallen into that river.  Swept along, I had no choice but to go with the flow without any idea of how long I would be subject to the whims of the current or if I would ever find sure footing again.  Occasionally a branch or something would appear and I would reach out, but I would continue my journey as the branch slipped out of reach.  Some, I managed to touch or even hold briefly before it slipped out of my fingers.  Finally, one day, I saw a branch.  I reached out to grab it and was able to get a good grasp.  It was sturdy and could take my weight against the rapids trying to pull me along.  Using this branch, I pulled myself up onto dry land and things began to stabilize.  My strength began to return as I was no longer focused solely on mere survival.  

Now I begin to explore this new shoreline and venture inland a bit.  I am getting to know the inhabitants of this place.  Now I must figure out who I am in this environ—my place and what I have to offer.  I see people who have accomplished so much at such a young age and yet I have a tendency to overthink things and second-guess myself.  I am trying to discover what I am interested in.  Well, I have ideas, but am still intimidated with the idea that the things I am interested in are “outside my social class.”  Many of my interests and tastes seem more in line with upper-middle class pursuits (attending theater, symphony, art galleries, and lectures by renowned scholars in their fields of study) while my upper-working –to-lower-middle-class  upbringing and salary tells me that I am being too hoity-toity.  That even if I tried to fit in, I would be quickly outed as a fraud: that I don’t belong.  To some, I am the poor cousin who comes to town; to others I am like the once-wealthy cousin who lost everything and was forced down a notch or two.  

New Beginnings

Time passes and with it we learn what is really important.  Medical issues have forced me into an early "retirement."  However, I look at it as an opportunity to reinvent myself and align my life with what is really important.  Since I am eligible to and will keep medical coverage for the remainder of my life (as will my autistic children and my husband--so long as he does not remarry) I do not have to worry on that front, unless Congress changes something.  We will just have to pay a premium.

Over the next couple months, we--my husband, three children, and I--will be preparing to move into our travel trailer--an Open Range RT310BHS.  We are going through the house and determining what is actually important to us, what is necessary for life, and what we love most.  The necessities gain a spot first, then important stuff.  Finally, loved items can go if a space can be found.

Driving home from my mother in law's funeral, we noticed a lot of RVs and travel trailers on the road.  We decided that with our dietary issues--extreme intolerance to gluten and artificial colors and dairy--that always having our own kitchen is vital.  However, availability of kitchens in hotels is often hit or miss or priced fairly high for longer term stays.

I will be homeschooling the children on the road as we travel down the eastern seaboard, to Disney World, and finally to Oklahoma, where we will put our GI Bills into use.  I shall work on a second Masters degree (this one in business) and my husband shall work on his second degree, but has not yet decided on a major.  We may try to live in the trailer in order to get into a better financial position once we graduate.

Showing off our new home.

Buying our new home.

Life and other things

Things look like they are going to work out. 

I have completely neglected this blog. Many things have happened in the interim.

Where to start.  We bought a travel trailer, then I find myself being medically retired from my job. Thus our vacation was completely cancelled pending the outcome of my medical retirement case. 

Someone tried to break into the trailer through the front end cap. We are trying to save money so having to get it fixed makes me not happy. 

On Confirmation Bias

We see what we want to see; what we expect to see--a confirmation of what we already know or believe to be "the truth." Often, we are blind to evidence supporting a contrary point of view. Sometimes this blindness is deliberate; other times it is an unconcious ignoring of contrary evidence. We also seek out information that is consistent with our beliefs.

We then act in ways to create self-fulfilling prophecies, yet may not recognize our part in the dance. It is difficult to resolve issues when we refuse to see the part we play in the cycle.

How much does our past influence our present? Do we keep replaying certain scenarios--albeit with different actors and scenery--over and over as a way to resolve the issues or experience closure?

Update on Countdown to Disney

Plans change. Disney is on hold until later in the year, exact date not yet known. Perhaps celebrating finishing my masters program. 

Countdown to Disney 2015

It is a new year and time to get our third annual year magnet from Disney World.  Due to my school schedule (I'm going at it pretty hard so I graduate at the end of this calendar year) and trying to avoid the summer vacation crowds, the best time for us to go is the beginning of May.

In 2013, we stayed at the Shades of Green Resort.  It was okay, but lacked a kitchen in the room--or even a decent size refrigerator and microwave unless we went several floors up to the laundry room, nor was there a complimentary breakfast--so we ended up having to eat out every meal (which got old fast, not to mention expensive because we were not eligible for the Disney Dining Plan--which in our case is not worth getting.)

So, once we calculated the price differential between Shades of Green and eating out every meal--breakfast, lunch, and dinner (plus 2-3 snacks per day) and the cost of a cabin (with the Miltary Discount) at Disney's Fort Wilderness Resort , and eating lunch either in a park, in a resort restaurant, or in Downtown Disney and being able to get up and get our breakfast at a leisurely pace as we dress and ready for the day and then have a quiet dinner back in the cabin--we actually came out a bit ahead and the trip was much more relaxed.

Since we liked Fort Wilderness, we are going again in May.  However, this time, we are going to rent an RV through myRVHotel.com.  We will fly down and take advantage of the Magic Express Service and the RV company will have everything set up and the Magic Express Service will take care of getting our luggage from the airport to the camper.

For us, a kitchen is vital because of multiple food allergies and intolerances and adherence to a paleo diet (though we may loosen up on that on vacation--but not too much, lest we end up feeling poorly and grumpy and it "ruins" the vacation...)

There are a few things I'd like to do this year:
Pin Trading
Buy Mickey Hats with our names on them and get a family group picture in front of Cinderella's castle.  The cast members are willing to use your camera plus, even without the Memory Maker, you can buy the pictures a la carte through the Photo Pass service.
Pressed Pennies
A Character meal.  Since I know my kids would get a kick out of Stitch and Mickey, it looks like the one at Ohana is the one to go to...and they will eat a lot of breakfast foods, but dinner foods offered may be very hit or miss so we want to try for breakfast one of the days we are there.
Maybe I will have a chance to hit a spa...(not likely though...for fear of Dame Littlebit pitching a fit because I go off and leave her).

Autographs and inerrancy of the Bible

    Though conservatives claim to have God’s very words, how can we be certain that the Word we hold in our hands today is essentially the same as the Word that God miraculously directed men to record?  Anyone who has had to copy passages knows it is quite easy to lose one’s place and either skip lines or repeat lines; to miss a letter or double a letter, which can change the meaning of a passage.  Someone copying from someone reading might insert a homophone, especially if it makes sense, or may write slower than the person is reading and miss things and have to go back and “fill in the gaps.”  Any of these has the potential to completely change the meaning of a work.  Sometimes there were gaps in time between the time the event occurred and when the event was recorded. Sometimes this gap was a few days or weeks.  Other times, the gap between the event and the recording of the event could be anywhere from a few decades to over thirteen billion years.

The writings of the Bible span centuries.  The newest writings are nearly two millennia old.  If the mistake occurred with a very early copy, then the mistake was likely copied over and over again for generations.  Because of the delicacy of paper—its perishability, the originals-the autographs- no longer exist.   

      We interpret the Bible through the lens of the standards of our own Generation.  Without reference to something in our own culture, the customs and beliefs mentioned in the Bible make little sense to us, or in interpreting it through our own values and priorities, we miss the meaning the author had intended to convey.  Therefore, how are we to be certain that the way in which certain passages have been interpreted throughout the ages is the correct interpretation?  People have a tendency to read into the Bible what they want it to say…

     Not only that, but the Bible was originally written in Hebrew, Aramaic, and in Greek.  Certain issues make true translation difficult:  some words or phrases for concepts do not have an exact equivalent in the target language--especially when the concept is not part of the experience of those who use the target language, and connotations and euphemisms change over the generations, which can render a phrase nearly incomprehensible to a reader of another generation, especially if no one of the generation that used the particular euphemism is around to explain it. Take our expression “it was raining cats and dogs.”  We all know that it means simply that it was raining very hard.  You might get soaked just walking outside for a couple minutes.  Nothing truly out of the ordinary is occurring.  Let us wait a few hundred years and someone comes across that phrase—they might be looking into historical records for any mention of a meteorological phenomenon of dogs and cats literally falling from the sky.

On Mentoring...

Merriam Webster's Collegiate Dictionary defines “mentoring” as “serving as a trusted counselor or guide.” It is the critical process of an experienced person passing along that experience to another in order to grow and develop that individual in a chosen vocation.

Though mentoring was only in the last few decades truly formalized as a concept, it has existed as long as humans have as the more experienced individual sought to impart wisdom.

Church history is full of examples of mentoring relationships. In the Middle Ages people were mentored and mentored new candidates to the convents and monasteries. The close living arrangements allowed the protégés and mentors to have the close relationship required for the proper training and instruction. Unfortunately, with today’s busy-ness of life, mentors and protégés often do not share living quarters. They may not even work in the same place or attend the same house of worship (they may not even be the same religion). Many times, in modern life, it is difficult to find a mentor. The older, more experienced person may not know how to approach someone and it takes time to build the requisite trust to form a true mentoring relationship.

While both mentoring and discipleship are reciprocal arrangements, their methods and goals differ. In discipling, the teacher asks the questions in order to set the context for discovery and to draw out of the protégé what is known. In a mentoring relationship, the protégé is the one to ask the questions about what he hungers to learn. The relationship often flows between the two methods.

Titus 2:1-8 explains the biblical model for a mentoring relationship. An older person who is well versed in sound doctrine and lives honestly takes a younger person under his or her wings and teaches him or her about how to live honestly and teaches that person in doctrine.

In order to have an effective mentoring relationship, the mentor and protégé must spend a significant amount of time together, or important things will be missed. Therefore, some wonder whether opposite gender mentoring relationships are appropriate. Some say that the risks are too great to even chance it: it could devolve into a more personal, possibly even sexual, relationship; if it sours, accusations of inappropriate behavior might be made; or others may perceive that there is something less-than appropriate going on between the mentor and protégé. Others believe that within certain parameters: accountability to other persons, such as their respective spouses—therefore, if one of the parties happens to be single, there must be extra caution taken to ensure the single person does not reach out more out of lonelines; and a significant difference in age between the mentor and protégé—so it would be more akin to a parent/child or grandparent/grandchild-ish situation, then the relationship could be possible.

The goal of mentoring is not merely to impart knowledge, but also character. In order to be effective, the mentor must have more life experience than the protégé. It rarely works for someone to mentor someone younger and is impossible to mentor one more experienced. A mentor must know the way in order to show the way and help another along that way. In order to do that, the mentor and protégé must spend time together, being drawn into the mentor’s world. 

About Me

You may be wondering where I got "with a smile and grace and a funny face" but it just came to me.  The meaning came later.  It is my approach to life.  A smile because I appreciate what God has blessed me with and I should be friendly towards others; grace because I can only succeed by the grace of God and because I should be gracious in my interactions with all other people; and finally the funny face refers to the fact that if one lacks a sense of humor, especially at the absurd, life on this rock will be very trying indeed.

I am married with three children.  I was diagnosed with ADHD 2 1/2 years ago after a lifetime of never performing up to my potential.  The sad thing is that I knew I was not performing well, but never knew what the problem was.  I would keep "trying harder" only to have my attempts result in crashing and burning. All three of my children have ADHD...it is hereditary...and the younger two also are non-verbal autistic.

My husband and I homeschool our kids in between their myriad of therapies and us trying to earn enough money to keep a roof over our heads, clothes on our backs, and food in our tummies (and pay the insurance premiums for said therapies and our medications...)

Acceptance or rather perceived lack thereof of neurologically disabled persons in churches...

I have attended many churches.  Many times, I will start, then for some reason or another will skip a Sunday or two until I find it has been months or even years since I have been to church.  I want to find a church that is big enough to be able to offer lots of opportunities for service where I can contribute, but small enough that I am not lost in the crowd.  I want one that is growing, not one that is dying.  I want one where we can worship as a family, but has a place I can go if one of my children needs to be removed from the service for a few minutes to calm down.  However, my husband wants a church where we can drop the children at some nursery, children’s church, or Sunday School service during the main worship service so that we can concentrate on the service.  The problem is, though, that they have chronologically aged out of nursery, but they are not developmentally mature enough to handle their own age group. 

Despite giving lip service to families of disabled children, many churches, especially those in rural areas or those in areas with highly transient populations (unless the pastor's child is one of those children, it seems) do not have the infrastructure in place to support these families and their children, especially when the children have developmental disabilities but look completely normal.  In fact, many families of children with such disabilities are run out of church, especially when the child does not conform—either constructively by being made to feel they don’t belong and their child’s presence is a bother, or they are directly asked to leave.  I think that it is easier for many people, emotionally, so long as the disabled or other “different” people are “others” and distant.  When the same people are in your face, and you must personally be inconvenienced by their presence (perhaps the tics or the self-stimulatory behaviors are distracting), then it is harder to be patient and accepting.  

My son is 11, could pass for seven, maybe a young eight, but he needs supervision about on the same level as a toddler.  However, putting him in the nursery with the toddlers is not the answer; first, because he would be bored, but second, and most important, because the parents of the toddlers would be upset at his presence because he is so much bigger than them.   I have lost count of the number of times I have offered my children videos on the iPad or iPhone in order to keep them quiet and seated.  And, if that fails, one of us (usually me) has to get up with the child to go for a walk.  Then comes the dilemma of whether taking them to church is positive and if they are getting anything out of it or are we just wasting gas in our car.  

Homeschooling languages...

My children are homeschooled.  My eldest child is studying Latin and French (the younger two are functionally non-verbal, so foreign languages are not under consideration at this moment).  I also want to learn French and Latin...as does my husband.  I just wish I had more hours in a day...

If you know someone willing to be a "pen-pal" or some such pal based on e-mail or recordings or whatever, with my daughter, let me know.

A new home for Zombie-Fish

We just got a new tank for our Oscar for Black Friday and set it up this afternoon.  He is outgrowing his 37 gallon and Petsmart had the 75 gallons for half price, including the stand...so we jumped on it.  After a bit of work, I finally got the filter going.  It has to cycle and we still need a heater to bring it up to temperature, but he should be able to move into his new tank next weekend.

(He is called Zombie-Fish due to the fact we thought he was dead--he was lying on his side on the bottom of the tank and not moving at all, even when I "disturbed" him with the net or algae -- and then we went out to run some errands and when we came back and he was swimming around, just fine.)

Update: as of today (12/12) we have not obtained a heater, so a bit more wait...

Listen

            Why do we miscommunicate? Why do we fail to really listen to what others are saying?  

Emotional reactions and filters on the part of the listener to what the talker is saying or even to the talker himself affect our thinking.  Filters are the lenses through which a person perceives the world, based upon his experiences and culture.  Many people need to win and have control over others in order to assuage insecurity and anxiety, which leads to attacking character and motives of others and defending ourselves against perceived attacks rather than discussing and resolving the actual issues.

            Because of many demands on my time and attention, I often find myself irritated by long-winded people, especially when it seems that there is no point to what is being said—talking to hear himself talk.  Having a reserved, quiet demeanor, I appear either laid back and calm--or lazy and unmotivated depending upon the perspective of the other person. I also have  a tendency in sensitive situations to not look at others because it affects my mental processing, which can be easily misinterpreted as a lack of caring or interest.  I can often be easy for a stronger personality to manipulate through emotional appeal or a seemingly logical case or even a threat into backing down. 

A Better Me in 2015

20 things I must do to become a better me:

1.  Recognize what is within my sphere of influence and understand focusing on things I cannot influence is a complete waste of my time and my energy.

2.  Time is not flexible. It passes at the same rate for everybody on this planet.  I have plenty of time, but I often prioritize time-waster things. I need to stop doing that.  Don’t think that because I do not have a big chunk of time to get something done, I cannot do a little something towards getting it done.

3.  I need to help myself. I cannot continue to wait to be rescued.  

4.  I won’t let anybody tell me what I can or cannot do ever again, as long as I do the right thing for me and my family, in line with my values.

5.  I will no longer be content to just follow the course of life and see where it leads me. I’ll make a plan. I’ll follow it. Without a plan, I become part of somebody else's plan, not living my own life, and having to wait to begin my own life, as the years pass me by.

6.  I will decide what success looks like to me, making the vision real and specific.  

7.  I’m going to die, eventually. I can’t live as if I’m going to be around forever. I need to make the years have I left on this planet count. It is possible I have more years behind me than I have left in front of me.

8.  I need to be cautious lest somebody else’s wants get prioritized over my needs.

9.  When I want something, I need to ask myself how badly I want it.  Do I want it badly enough to prioritize the resources needed to obtain it (time/money) over other things I also need or already want?

10.  I’ll let people be themselves. I will not try to change others to fit the image of what I think they should be. It is okay to be yourself.  

11.  I need to leave behind my insecurities and ask more for help and favors.  I’m not an expert in everything, even if I know a lot about many aspects of many things. I will never know everything about everything. Nobody will. Asking does not make me appear incompetent and others are often glad to be of help and will not think less of me.  

12.  I was raised to be a ‘nice girl’. Has that worked well for me? Has it led to great success or do people take advantage of me? I will be more purposeful in my actions.  I will be more assertive and authoritative.  I will not simply roll over and let others walk all over me.  I will stop trying so hard especially for other people, and especially those who take advantage of me.  (I will still be pleasant and polite.)

13.  Sometimes, I claim to not care about what other people think of me, but I do. Still, I need to stop trying to impress people who do not care.

14.  The vision of what money can do for me and my family, not money for money’s sake, is a key driving force for me.  

15.  Avoid distractions.  Distractions are not emergencies.  Don’t act on something that “just comes up” immediately.  Jot them down and finish what I was doing before deciding whether or not to follow up on the distraction.

16.  I’ll learn something new that is not required for school or work every day, for a year and apply it to my life. It’s possible to find an excuse to not do almost anything. I’m good at that, but I don’t want to be.

17.  I want to start a blog. How long would that take? Who would read it? What if it’s crap? Guess what-- nobody cares. Just start it already.

18.  I will get over my irrational fear of speaking in public. 

19.  I’ll be kinder to myself. 

20.  I’ll start telling people how I feel, and let them know what I want. 

This should be an interesting year.

Soloing Disney World and Universal Studios with Autistic Children

Due to a family emergency, my husband had to leave our family vacation a couple days before our flight home.  Before he left, I asked him if he would be okay with me taking the children to Disney World and Universal Studios for the one day of each we had remaining on our tickets.  He agreed it was a better idea than us just sitting around in the hotel room.

After we drop him at the airport around 9:30 am, I drive to Disney World.  We park at the Ticket and Transport Center pretty far out.

I berate myself for having forgotten to grab one of my children's handicap placards in our car parked at our home airport because we are parked out in the latter part of Simba (which is practically at the end of the tram line).  However, we park and I get them out of the car.  It is actually chilly, so I pass out the sweaters.  The older two put them on.  Dame Littlebit throws hers on the ground.  I get her situated in the stroller.  We had stopped taking the stroller into the parks, but given the current adult to child ratio, I wanted to have the platform of operations and a place to put children who refuse to walk.  We get onto the tram after and I snuggle my cold 5 year old.  At the ticket and transportation center, we transfer to the monorail and ride to the Magic Kingdom.  We get there just in time to make the bus for Animal Kingdom.  The crowds were pretty intense already and by that time it was almost 11 am.  Well, because their disability access passes had expired, we had to wait in line to replace them and the use-stroller-as-a-wheelchair tag. Finally, we enter the park at about noon and after a couple changes of our FastPass+ times.

Things that made it easier:  taking advantage of the ability to use stroller as a wheelchair.  Using the disability access pass (though it was a downgrade from the Guest Assistance Card of previous years--now we have to wait for a comeback time) allowed us to be in "line" for one ride while experiencing another attraction or getting a snack.

Universal/Islands of Adventure vs. Disney

Disability Pass:

Disney:  immediate access only if the ride wait time is less than 10 minutes.  Policy strictly enforced.
Universal/IoA:  immediate access if ride wait time is less than 30 minutes, but we had several experiences of being granted immediate access even with waits up to an hour or more.

Winner:  Universal/Islands of Adventure.  Last year, I would have said Disney, hands down, but the changes to the pass changed that.

Rider Swap System:

Sometimes members of the party are too small or otherwise do not wish to experience some attractions the other members of the party wish to experience.  While a competent teenager or adult could find another way to amuse himself while the others experience the attraction--whether or not they wait in line together, an infant, young child, or person lacking mental competence must have supervision.

Disney:  Ask for a rider swap ticket at the ride entry.  When the rest of the party returns, the waiting person may utilize the fastpass line.  Depending on the length of the fastpass line, the separation time could be anywhere from the length of time it takes to walk to the ride to half an hour or more.
Universal/IoA:  Party waits together in line and just before boarding, let the employee know you wish to do a rider swap.  The non-rider and waiting person are escorted to a small room by the loading dock with a TV playing a video of something relevant to the ride (such as the Spider Man ride playing Spider Man cartoons).  As soon as the rest of the party returns,  the waiting person is placed on the next available ride vehicle.  The party is reunited within ten minutes from the time the waiting person gets relieved to be able to go on the ride.

Winner:  I liked Disney because the child does not have to wait, but it means longer separation and longer time per individual ride.  Because of the Universal/IoA system, I was able to experience a couple rides I wanted to by leaving my two younger children in the care of their older sister for ten minutes.  So, I have to say Universal/IoA.

Picking up ADHD medications for several people

Sometimes I wonder if my family raises red flags in regards to stimulant medications--my eldest, is on Concerta, with a script for 5 mg Ritalin in the evenings if she needs it (she gets it prescribed for about every 2 months until she has about a 30 day supply left, then the doc goes for 3 months), the next is on Daytrana, our youngest is on Quillivant.  I am on Adderall.  If I were to fill all scripts at once at the same time...would the pharmacist fill them or would they call the 'authorities'?  And...by the way, my darling husband probably needs something, too..

I only want a bottle of Quillivant XR; is that too much to ask?

I took Dame Littlebit to the psychiatrist for the first time on Tuesday for an ADHD evaluation.  Really, it was just a formality, with two other kids with it, and having it myself, I am pretty certain that I know.  Because of her size--less than 30 pounds and under 40 inches--the doctor was wary of giving her Daytrana like her brother.  You are not supposed to cut Daytrana in half to reduce the dose and she cannot swallow pills and we were concerned about cutting or crushing pills.   Thus, we decided on the liquid.

I take the script to the local Rite-Aid pharmacy during my lunch hour yesterday--the clinic where I normally fill my prescriptions does not carry Quillivant (or Daytrana).  They have the medicine, but the script was for half the amount of the smallest bottle.  I call the clinic.  The prescribing doctor was working in one of his other offices and would not be back until this afternoon, so I ended up driving back out to his office after work.  Luckily he is coming to get a patient as I am walking in.  Since he knew why I was there, I handed him the no-good script and a few minutes later, I walked out with the new script and headed back to the pharmacy.  An hour later, Dame Littlebit, Sir Bubs, and I walk out with the the medicine and a treat per child for behaving.

Tomorrow we shall see how it works.

Leafy Tree Tops: Traveling with a preschooler

Leafy Tree Tops: Traveling with a preschooler

Autism Products & News: Disney autism disability lawsuit moves to Orlando federal court

Autism Products & News: Disney autism disability lawsuit moves to Orlando federal court

Up all night and out of coffee!!!

Last night was rough.  Dame Littlebit, my youngest child, decided that she did not want to go to bed last night.  If I dared to leave her room, she would scream so loudly that the other members of the family were disturbed.  If I dared try to fall asleep, she would climb over me and pull my hair and scratch at my face.  We finally left her room at the earliest time to respectably awaken.  I need a cup of coffee...but we are out...and a nap.